Read Time:6 Minute, 30 Second

By William Van Zyl (published 10 September 2023).

“Where did he get those glasses?” asked the man.

“You don’t comment on Sir JK’s glasses,” said the New Zealand TV presenter (Rugby World Cup 2023 context).

“From the welding shop,” responded the second man.

The presenter immediately defended Sir JK.

“Excuse me, those are very exquisite Italian-designed glasses of Sir JK.”

The men’s glasses JK wore were state-of-the-art contemporary-shaped glasses. The frame was black, weighty, and highly prominent. It made a statement. Very, very modern indeed. It looked very swerve.

It grabbed everyone’s attention. It became a great conversation starter. Sir JK created conversation without saying a word.

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Do you sometimes wear something that could create a conversation without you saying a word?

Have you ever worn something special like a unique jacket, an extraordinary hairstyle, an elaborate ring, a pair of elaborate spectacles, a shiny pendant, a classic fountain pen, an arty pair of shoes, an eye-catching lapel pin, a large distinguished watch, a cute tie pin, or a quirky bracelet that elicited quick and sharp questions and conversation? I have experienced that on several occasions. Lately, I have been listening to a podcast on how to start conversations with strangers and improve communication skills: How to Talk to Anyone. 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes (Audible). Great podcast!

Wearing a “What is That?” will provide oxygen to your conversations. So, suppose you feel that your life and your conversations could be more varied and exciting, why not invest in exquisite jewellery, a flash hat, a stunning new pair of unique shoes, a new hairstyle, a lovely new man’s bag, a colourful scarf, a peaky blinders cap? Change your glasses – be more trendy – take some risks. Dress up and give attention to detail.

In this article, I focus primarily on the conversation starters for males. However, if you are female, the same rules apply. Please continue reading, you will find great ideas for developing your communication skills.

Gentlemen and ladies: One way to do it is to go to an online store outside from where you live – like ETSY – do some searches, and identify those areas where you could make some changes. I have already provided many ideas in paragraph two of this article. Break out of your mould and purchase items from outside your country. It will renew and refresh your cupboard and provide a welcome facelift. Think about when you go out with friends or when you go to work. Search for unique items – keep the specific places and people you hang out with in mind. Also, think about sets of clothing and accessories that will go well together. Be intentional. It could change your life, and spark new and lively conversations.

Humans as data collectors and scanners

Humans are the ultimate scanners – they have an extraordinary gift to observe people. They make notes – mental notes. Before you have said a thing, just the way you move, dress, or wear clothes and accessories will tell them everything about you. Don’t leave it to chance; let your clothes, accessories, hairstyle, glasses, cap, or shoes tell them who you are.

And remember, the way you stand, the way you move, the way you walk and talk say a thousand things about you. People are refined scanners – highly intelligent beings. They read you all the time. Even out of the corner of their eye – peripheral vision – they scan and collect data. Why not be intentional and let your exterior do serious work for you?

Back to “What is That?”

As I have mentioned, wearing a unique or eye-catching item as a conversation starter, such as wearing something that prompts the question, “What is that?” can be an effective strategy for making small talk with strangers. This approach can help break the ice and create a natural opening for a conversation. Here are important things to keep in mind:

Choose Your Conversation Starter: Consider where you will be going and whom you could meet. Then, please select an item to wear or carry something that is visually interesting, unusual, or has a story behind it. It could be a piece of clothing, an accessory, a gadget, or anything else that can catch people’s attention.
Make It Remarkable: The item you choose should be intriguing or unique in some way. It could be a piece of jewellery with an unusual design, a t-shirt with a quirky graphic, a vintage accessory, or even a tech gadget that’s not widely known. The goal is to make people curious and want to inquire about it.
Be Approachable: When wearing your conversation starter item, you must appear approachable and open to conversation. Smile, make eye contact, and be receptive to people’s inquiries. A friendly demeanour will encourage strangers to engage with you.
The “What is That?” Moment: As you wear your unique item, be prepared for the inevitable question, “What is that?” When someone asks, please take the opportunity to explain the item’s significance or tell its story. Don’t keep it short. Share any exciting facts or personal anecdotes related to it. This provides pure “oxygen for the conversation.”
Ask Open-Ended Questions: After explaining your item, ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. For example, ask if the person has any similar interests, has encountered something similar, or has any unique possessions they’d like to share.
Listen Actively: Engage in active listening. Pay attention to what the other person says and respond thoughtfully. If they mention something interesting, ask follow-up questions or share your thoughts and experiences related to the topic. Don’t focus on yourself. Shift the attention quickly to the other person. Be humble, and be genuinely interested in the person you are having the conversation with.
Find Common Ground: Quickly scan as the conversation progresses. Find words that could provide prompts. Find common interests or experiences that can deepen the conversation. Commonalities create a sense of connection and can lead to more meaningful discussions.
Respect Boundaries: While using a conversation starter item can be a great way to meet new people, respecting people’s boundaries is essential. If someone seems disinterested or uncomfortable, gracefully end the conversation and move on.
Practice Empathy: Be empathetic and considerate of the other person’s feelings and cues. If they seem busy or uninterested, don’t push for a conversation. Conversely, if they seem engaged, enjoy the interaction and be open to making a new connection.
Avoid Patronising: Don’t patronise the person you are conversing with; stay humble. Remember, it is not about you. Be respectful at all times.
Follow-up: If the conversation goes well and you feel connected, consider exchanging contact information or suggesting a future coffee somewhere or activity related to your shared interests.

Using a conversation starter item can be a fun and effective way to initiate small talk with strangers. It provides a natural opening for conversation and allows you to share something unique about yourself, making you more memorable in the eyes of those you meet. Remember to shift the attention to the other person. The key to successful small talk is to be genuine, curious, and respectful of the other person’s comfort level.

Credit article cover: Accessories – Cool Men Club, London (ETSY)

Link: https://www.etsy.com/shop/CoolMenClub?page=1#items